Hair today, gone tomorrow.

Hello,

I've grown my own nostril hair for quite a number of years now. I really don't know when it started to grow? But it does. I have a little ear and nose hair trimmer that I use. I had to get it because I was finding stray ear hairs that seemed to be about an inch long when I pulled them. It has a little light on it so that you can see the offending hair. This would be a brilliant bit of kit if you could pop your eyeball out and look in to your own ear.

There is no point in trying to shine it up your nostril as the trimmer has to fit up it anyway, so you can't see anything. Luckily my nostril always has one hair sticking out, so it is easy to see that hair. It tickles, and I don't like the tickly feeling in my nostrils. I'm the same with lips too. If you lightly touch your lip it really tickles which makes me feel angry, not want to laugh.

I have leg hair also, but as of yet I have not trimmed them.

Runners do, apparently it makes you go faster? or at least that what a guy with no leg hair told me when I noticed his hairless legs.

Back, crack and sack waxing.

Why?

I understand the back, no-one wants to sleep with a Wookie.

But is it not painful? And if they do it in that order I don't think I could go through with it.

Not if the back hurt!

Why do we want a hairless bum anyway?

And who does it?

Knowing my luck it would be a fella.

'Cillit Bang' that advert annoys me. I think its 'Barry Scott' that annoys me, more than the actual advert does to be honest. Sliding out of a tunnel and shouting his gob off. If I am near the remote when he comes on I change channel. 'BANG' and the twit is gone!

Clever play on words there, with his own slogan.

If anyone in advertising is reading? That is just a fraction of the kind of stuff I can come up with.

Why is it that when you hear a song on the radio that really annoys you, you'll find yourself singing it? How do you even know the words to it?

Katy Perry, 'I Kissed A Girl'

Every time I hear it I will sing along? I hate it!!!

We need a cable tidy, but we also need a lottery win. I will wait and see which comes first.

Wireless is amazing. It does everything a wired connection can do, but it needs no wire.

Its like an invisible cable.

If you were invisible, could you see yourself?

I would freak out if I couldn't see my hand or whatever, it would ruin the whole invisibility power for me.

Is a rhinoceros a cross between an elephant and a unicorn?

My friend took his Alsatian (dog) to the vets recently. The vet picked up the dog and had a really good look at him.

"Sorry Mr Jones, I'm going to have to put him down now" said the vet.

"Oh god, is he that ill? is he terminal?" my friend asked distraughtly.

"No, he is really heavy." replied the vet.

Boom, Boom.

I miss Basil Brush.

Sooty, Sweep and Sue all sound different these days.

I preferred Rainbow, when they used to happily play with their 'Twangers and Balls'.

Right, I have wasted enough of our lives' for another night.

Come back tomorrow, when I will be teaching you how to cook a lovely dinner.

Goodnight everyone.

Gary.