Now we are cooking.

Welcome,

Last night I said I would teach you how to cook a lovely meal. A sentence I regretted from the moment I pressed the publish button.

Here goes.

1) Get up off of sofa.

2) Walk to oven and switch it on,. You know how to walk, right?

3) Walk to and open freezer, open drawers to find chips* and chicken nuggets*.

4) Take items out of freezer, read cooking temperature and times. Place on the side, adjust oven accordingly.

5) Open cupboard and find a baking tray. Place this on the side too.

6) Place a generous amount of chips evenly over baking tray. Return chips to freezer.

7) Place a minimum of 6 chicken nuggets on baking tray. Place bag back in freezer

8) Place tray on desired shelf.

9) Close door

10) Walk back to sofa.

11) Halfway through cooking time walk to oven, take tray out using oven mitts.

12) Turn each chip and nugget over.

13) Put back in oven.

14) Walk to sofa.

15) 4 minutes before finish time open a can of Tesco's baked beans*. (or Heinz, if you're rich.)

16) Place in microwavable bowl.

17) Place in microwave for 1 minute. (depending on microwave wattage output, you may need longer)

18) Wait for beep, take out and stir.

19) Put back in for a further minute. (again refer to microwave wattage output instructions)

20) Check chips and chicken nuggets for crispiness, chips should be crispy on the outside but light and fluffy in the middle. Nuggets should be crispy on the outside and chicken in the middle.

21) Place a plate on the side.

22) Put chips and chicken nuggets on the plate, when they are cooked to your liking.

23) Take beans from microwave, stir them and then pour them on the plate. (Make sure they have their own part of the plate, more classy.)

24) Get knife and fork, and any condiments you may desire.

25) Walk to sofa or table, wherever you're most comfortable.

26) Eat.

And there you have it. Chicken nuggets, chips and beans. A lovely meal.

Or just watch your partner.

Whatever's best for you.

Goodnight.

Gary.

Comments:

*If these classic foods are not in your freezer and cupboard. You can f... off.